Tuesday, August 09, 2005

The Story So Far

It has been 10 months since I registered for the PhD. 10 months of being a full-time student.

What have I been doing? Frittering time away, secretly watching Countdown, Richard & Judy and CSI in the evenings, cooking up strange new dishes that have ended in the bin and not the plate and parking self at museums and galleries instead of desk. That's what.

It's not been easy. There have been so many nights that I have cried and told M that I want to quit. Pronto. I can't take the ordeal of looking at obscure cases reported in 1875 anymore.

Yet, on somedays, when I do stumble on an angle which I think I can take or find the most interesting literature in my area, I feel light and happy again. I remember the joys of research and why I had wanted to embark on this journey in the first place. Just think. I can make a difference in scholarship. That is such an honour.

Earlier this evening, I met the lovely H down the corridor and told her much her words have helped me on dark days. She had told us that ‘the PhD will be the most intellectually satisfying journey you will ever have’.
‘Thank you’, I tell her.
‘Thank you for giving me these words-they are my source of strength, sometimes the only reason I can think of to continue, to forge ahead’.

These are the words that have become my survival mantra.


At 8/10/2005 05:43:00 pm, Blogger Kak Teh said...

sunshine, can I use this smantra when i decide to do my Phd? at the moment, i've lost a lot of friends as i hardly socialise anymore. my own children and cats dont recognise me anymore.

At 8/10/2005 07:03:00 pm, Blogger Jane Sunshine said...

But of course, comrade-in-arms.

At 8/15/2005 11:42:00 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

at least you just cried and feel like quitting. Often I felt like losing my mind even..Join the Club eh!

At 8/16/2005 12:35:00 pm, Blogger Jane Sunshine said...

Anon, oh, losing the mind is part of the PhD. I mean, people who have normal jobs can just shut away work related stuff but research stays with you 24/7, hovering at the back of your mind perpetually. My supervisor suggests trying extreme sport, like white water rafting or the like as the only way you can truly get your mind away from it. Not being particularly sporty, I have tried to find other outlets like reading books that I love (not those nasty legal periodicals) poetry, shopping and now, blogging, has been of some help.


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